Ellen's Energy Adventure/Transcript
This is the Transcript for Ellen's Energy Adventure in Epcot. Transcript There is a large movie screen high up on the wall. The audience stands. The screen is black. Then, Ellen DeGeneres walks into view. Ellen: Hi, and welcome to the Universe of Energy. How are ya? No need to answer. You guys are probably surprised to see me here, aren't you? But then, there's probably a lot of places you'd be surprised to see me, when you think about it. If you were driving in your car, for instance, okay? Close your eyes, you're in your ca -- no, don't close your eyes in the car, but right now, think about it. You're in your car, you're driving, and then all of a sudden, from the back seat, I just pop up and go, "HEY!" You'd just whack me in the head, wouldn't you? That would be -- that wouldn't be nice, but then it wouldn't be nice for me to do that to you. How'd I get in your car, anyway? Can you -- did you lock the car? Maybe it was your fault. Maybe I'm just teaching you a lesson. But the point is, to see me here, as the spokesperson for the Universe of Energy, I mean that's crazy. You know, I'm the expert on a lot of things. You know that. I know that. But uh, not a lot of things. A few things. But energy. I mean, there was a time I could care less about it. And then, suddenly everything changed. One day, I was sitting in my apartment ... I - I said, I was sitting in my apartment when There it is. I'd offer you some snacks, but she -- I mean, I -- can't hear ... me. Hey, hey, you! How 'bout sharing some of those chips? Dream Ellen: No, you're on a diet! Ellen: Me? How 'bout you? Anyhoo, I'm watching TV, and my favorite show's about to start. Jeopardy! Announcer: This is ... Jeopardy! Dream Ellen: Yes! Ellen: Told ya this was my favorite show. Dream Ellen: What is "Who is it"? <Bill Nye walks in.> Ellen: And of course no one locks their doors in New York. Bill: Hey, it's your neighbor, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Dream Ellen: Hey, Bill Nye the Science Guy, it's Ellen the uh ... just Ellen, I guess. What can I do ya for? Bill: I'd like to borrow some aluminum foil, a clothespin, and a candle. Dream Ellen: Another hot date, huh? Bill: Actually, I'm working on an experiment. Dream Ellen: Ah, take whatever you need. I don't wanna miss any of the game. Bill: What're you watching? Dream Ellen: Jeopardy! Bill: Yes! Jeopardy! Announcer: A professor of energy at Princeton University, Dr. Judy Peterson. Dream Ellen: Oh my gosh. Bill: What? Dream Ellen: It's my old college roommate, Judy Peterson. She was such a smarty-pants know-it-all. I had the best nickname for her, though. Bill: What was that? Dream Ellen: Stupid Judy. Bill: Ellen, that makes no sense. She has a PhD. Dream Ellen: I know, but it made me feel better. So now I guess she's some hot shot energetic professor. Bill: She's a professor of energy! Dream Ellen: Whatever. Who cares about Stupid Judy and her stupid energy? Bill: Ellen, energy's the most important thing in ... the universe! Dream Ellen: Oh yeah, sure, take her side. Bill: I'm not taking her side; it's just that without energy, nothin' would go, nothin' would happen. I mean, there'd be ... nothin'. Dream Ellen: Well, then we'd really be in jeopardy, now wouldn't we? Bill: Yeah, well, what is, uh, "Thanks for the supplies, and, uh, see ya later"? Dream Ellen: What is "Bye bye"? Alex Trebek: Right again. Go. Dream Ellen: Right again, Judy. Stupid Judy. Stupid energy. Maybe the universe needs energy, but I don't. I'll take a nap for a hundred. Ellen: Ha ha ha ha. I know. Big piece o' corn right there in the teeth. How could you not see -- I'll have to call you back. Ahem! Now, as most of you know, when someone falls asleep watching TV, that person is going to have a ....what? Anyone? ... Anyone. Woman's voice: A crick in the neck? Man's voice: A bad hair day. Another woman's voice: A dream sequence. Ellen: That's right, ma'am, a dream sequence! Right. Mine was more of a nightmare, actually. And uh, actually, we should get some fog in here. Always nice to spice up a dream sequence with fog. No, not in here. Over there. In the dream. Scary, huh? Jeopardy! Announcer: This is ... Jeopardy! Now, here are today's contestants: Dr. Judy Peterson, Dr. Albert Einstein, and finally ... just Ellen. And now, here's the host of Jeopardy!, Alex Trebek. Alex Trebek: Thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Hello, contestants. Welcome to our program, and good luck to you in the game. Here are the categories for the first round of play: Solar energy. Wind power. Energy from water. Fossil fuels. Fusion. And finally ... Gas. Ellen, since this is your dream, we'll let you make the first selection. Dream Ellen: Uh, I will take, um ... eenie meenie minie ... uh, Fossil Fuels for, uh, let's -- let's go for a hundred. Alex Trebek: Fine. The answer is ... This is formed from microscopic plants and animals trapped in ocean floor sediment millions of years ago. Alex Trebek: Ellen? Dream Ellen: Yes, I know that one. That's uh ... that, um, is uh ... what -- what is ... what is um, uh, stuff trapped -- microscopic fuels and -- and plants and -- and animals, and -- Alex Trebek: Sorry, Ellen. We were looking for something more than just an embellishment of what I had already said. And it's .. Judy! Judy: What is petroleum, Alex? What is bituminous? What is solar thermal conversion? What is hydroelectric? What is helium? Alex Trebek: And the total as we come to the end of the first round, ladies and gentlemen, Judy has a commanding lead <$17,800>, Ellen has her work cut out for her , and Dr. Einstein is nowhere ... relatively speaking. Dream Ellen: Is this a nightmare, or what? Alex Trebek: Oh, Ellen, your first correct response! Dream Ellen: Wait a minute. Freeze! This is my dream. I'm in control now. I can still win. I still have a chance to. Bill: Ellen! Ellen! Dream Ellen: Who is it? Bill: It's me, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Dream Ellen: Hey, I'm glad you came to help me. Bill: Actually, I came to see Einstein. Wow, you're gettin' clobbered. Dream Ellen: Yeah. This nightmare Jeopardy! version's a lot harder than the home version. Will you help me? Bill: Sure! But first, we have to go back. Dream Ellen: Back ... stage?? Bill: No, no, no. Way back. Like many billion years ago. Dream Ellen: Okay, but can we stop at a mini-mart or something and get some snacks? I have a tendency to get hungry after a couple of million years. Bill: No can do. Time's a-wastin'. Come on! Ellen: Wait. It's not even over. It gets really weird from here. Now some person I don't even know reminds me there's no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography allowed in my dream. Cast Member: Ladies and gentlemen, there's no eating, drinking, smoking, or flash photography in Ellen's dream. Ellen: And no videotaping. Okay? And those of you who're just walking in right now ... you're late. Where have you been? I love your hair. No, not you. I mean, it's all right, but that's cute. Yeah. Um, anyway, so you're not completely lost, here's a recap of what has been going on. I'm Ellen. Hi! I love Jeopardy!, I used to not care about energy at all, 'til I had a nightmare that I was on Jeopardy!, and all the categories were about energy. Oh, don't I know it was scary. So my neighbor, Bill Nye, stepped in, to help me out -- Bill Nye the Science Guy -- you know him? Anyway, so he comes in to help me out. That's what's going on. Got it? Good. You don't? Then that's your problem, because you're late. And you think about that next time! Cast Member: Ladies and gentlemen, the automatic doors in front of you are going to be opening. For your safety, please stand behind the yellow squares. Also, please make sure your party is together before you enter the next theater. Thank you. MAIN SHOW Cast Member: Now that you've selected a place to sit, please remain fully seated, and don't attempt to switch rows, seats, or vehicles from this point forward. As a reminder, for the comfort and courtesy of all those around you, please refrain from any eating, drinking, smoking, flash photography, or videotaping. Also, if you happen to be seated near one of the open doors, please make sure that opening is clear of all obstructions, including arms, legs, packages, and anything else you'd like not to get squished. Those doors are automatic, and they'll be closing in just a moment. And now we return to Ellen's dream. Dream Ellen: Why is it so dark? Bill: 'Cause there's nothin' to see. Dream Ellen: Lemme get this straight. You brought me back billions of years so you could show me ... nothing? Bill: Sort of, uh, but out of this nothingness, many scientists believe the universe was born. Dream Ellen: Must've been a big delivery room, huh? Bill: Uh ... yeah. Ah! See that single point of very hot, very dense matter? It contains all the energy of the universe, that's about to expand. At an astonishing rate! Oh, here, better put these on. Hearing protectors. 'Cause it's ... the Big Bang! Dream Ellen: The piggy bank? Bill: No, the Big Bang! Dream Ellen: The ding-dang? Bill: The Big Bang. Dream Ellen: Oh. Bill: Now, what you're about to witness took place over billions of years. Oh boy. Whew! Uh, better take cover. Dream Ellen: All right, universe, you're cleared for takeoff. Come on. Ha ha ha. Come -- Bill? Bill Nye? Bill Nye the Science Guy? ... Bill? Bill: Here we are! Two hundred twenty million years in the earth's past. Give or take ... uh, a day. Dream Ellen: Bill? Bill, I -- I know I asked you to help me with this energy stuff and everything but I was kinda hoping you'd show me a slide show. Bill: A slide show? I guess that'd be easier, but -- ha! This is way more fun. Dream Ellen: Uh ... yeah, this is fun. Where's the energy? Bill: Oh, it's all around you. You see, these plants and animals are soaking up energy from the sun. When they die and get buried, time, pressure and heat'll cook them into the fossil fuels we rely on today. Like, uh, coal, natural gas, and oil. Dream Ellen: Wait a minute. You're telling me that we're filling our gas tanks with -- well, with dinosaur soup? Bill: Well, not exactly, but dinosaurs did live when fossil fuels were developing in the earth. And dinosaurs are just cool! Let's check 'em out! Dream Ellen: Why don't we just skip to the air conditioning and jacuzzi period, huh? Bill: Ellen, it's the chance of a lifetime! It's the chance of a hundred million lifetimes! Come on. Dream Ellen: You go ahead and make sure it's safe. I'll -- I'll wait here, okay? You might as well go, too. This is my nightmare. No need you staying with me. Maybe I'll go. What am I so scared of? It's just a dinosaur. What's the big deal about dinosaurs? They're not so tough. Probably have a brain the size of a pea. Ahhhhh. I hope you're not upset about that pea-brain crack. 'Cause, you know, now that I think of it, I'm sure peas are much larger in this time period. I happen to love peas, don't you? I'll take that as a maybe. I should get going, 'cause I'm supposed to be dinner -- I mean have dinner, with friends. So I should ... go. Hey, what's over there!? Dream Ellen: Oh, Bill, where are you? Ow! Bill, is that you? That's your stomach growling, isn't it? Okay, I told you we should've stopped for snacks. You're not Bill, are you? I mean, your name could be Bill, but you're not the Bill that I-- Bill: Hey, Ellen! Dream Ellen: Excuse me. Bill: Come on! They've got everything. Over here. Dream Ellen: No, you come over here. I'm not taking one more step until I can see where I'm going. That's good enough for me. Wait up, Bill! I'm coming! Animatronic version of Dream Ellen: Don't make me use this thing! ... Stop it! You don't wanna eat me! I'll make you lose your appetite. Help! Ow! ... If you can't say something nice, then ... ya can't. Hey! Listen mister, don't give me that attitude! Bill! I could use a little help here. Down, boy. I -- I said, down, boy! Bill: Woo! Ellen! Hey, Ellen! This way. There's lots more to see ... Ellen, let's get a move on! There's some way cool stuff left ahead. Radio Announcer: KNRG news time 55 million B.C. Now, for a look at our weather. Willard? Willard Scott: Okay! Our ultra-extended forecast calls for decreasing dinosaur populaton, followed by a sudden growth in those tiny little creatures the size of mice that we call mammals. Aren't they cute? Birthday greetings go out to the cockroach! Two hundred million years old today. Boy howdy! And maybe that comet'll help get rid of 'em. Now, here's the traffic update. Traffic Reporter: We've got reports that a giant elephant -- a deinotherium, to be exact -- has popped his trunk, and is jackknifed in traffic. Plus, we can expect lots of traffic at the local watering holes, as the mammal population continues to boom. Radio Announcer: KNRG news time: One million B.C. And now to the sports report, live, from the Mastodon. Sports Announcer: Mammals dominate the earth. Mammals dominate the earth! The big dinosaurs have been shut out. They're back ... back back back back back back ... gone! Extinct! The big dinosaurs have left the planet. The mammals've shut them out in a major planetary upset. Bill: This is KNRG NewsRadio. Hey, let's check out the weather report, and see if it's gonna stay way cool outside. Willard? Willard Scott: Hey, we're following a massive cold front extending from the Arctic region all the way down to our planet's mid-section. Now, we're urging all mammals to evolve into their winter wardrobe because it's gonna get chilly! Be sure to develop a thick, furry hide if you wanna make it. How cold it is! Bill: Keep your dial tuned to KNRG for continuous news updates. KNRG news time: nine hundred thousand B.C. Now, let's check out what's happening in the wild world of fashion. Female Fashion Reporter: Mammals are getting hairier. That's right. Wooly is definitely in. Whether you're a mammoth or a rhinoth. And saberteeth seem to be a growing fad in the cat world. Also, look for antlers to be very big this year. As big as ten feet, on creatures like the megalosaurus. Wow! And that's the latest in the fashion world. Bill: Is it ever gonna warm up? Let's find out with a look at the weather. Willard? Willard Scott: You know those giant glaciers we've all gotten so used to? Well, they're gonna be receding to the North and South poles. Conditions are looking very favorable for a whole new kind of mammal. KNRG news time: seven hundred and fifty thousand B.C. Bill: And that's our KNRG up-to-the-minute news report. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. Bill: Now we're exactly where we need to be. All we need now is ... Ellen. Deam Ellen: Bill? Bill Bill Bill? Oh, Bill ... Bill! Bill: Ellen? Oh, there you are! Dream Ellen: Yeah, here I am. Yeah. Look, you know, it's not like I don't like getting attacked by a snakelike creature, it's just -- Bill: Shhh! See, we're at the dawn of the human age. And one of our ancestors is about to make an important discovery. One that will spark the progress of civilization. Dream Ellen: Let's hope it's deodorant. Bill: See? We discovered fire! And we're really on our way. Bill: So here we are today. Dream Ellen: Thanks, Bill. You can just drop me back at Jeopardy! I think I'm ready to get back in the game and kick Judy's big ol' -- Bill: But wait. To play the game, you have to know where energy comes from. You have to know where it's gonna come from. And how to use it more wisely. You see, this is a really ... big story. Dream Ellen: You heard the man. It's a big story. From now on, we're dreaming in ... wide screen. Wider! Wider! I sound like a dentist, don't I? Okay everybody, rinse and spit. Just kidding, not you, sir. Bill: We'll start with the sun. It's where most of our energy comes from. It's at the heart of some great ideas for tomorrow. Dream Ellen: Like what, Bill Nye the Science Guy? Bill: Like ... solar energy. Solar mirrors are one way to convert the sun's energy into electricity. Dream Ellen: Cool! I mean, hot. I mean, coolly hot. Or hotly cool. So why don't we just make everything solar? Bill: Ah, not so fast. For one thing, it's not sunny enough everywhere. And although the sunshine is free, solar electricity still isn't that cheap. But it's gettin' there. Dream Ellen: Okay, in the meantime, let's just pick another category. Bill: All right. Today, we're using the clean energy of moving air -- wind -- to generate electricity. Dream Ellen: Well then, why don't we just get a bunch of wind farmers to harvest a big ol' crop o' wind? Bill: We're starting to ... where it's windy. But remember, to power a whole city, you need a whole lot of wind. Dream Ellen: And when the wind stops blowing ... we'd be left in the dark, wouldn't we? Bill: No way. We just switch to another source of energy. Dream Ellen: I'm guessin' this big red rock isn't gonna give us energy when we need it. Bill: No, but this big gray wall might. It's clean and efficient. Dream Ellen: I know this one. Come on. Quiz me. Bill: Okay. Hydroelectric power plants convert the energy of falling water into electricity, and are renewed by this natural resource. Dream Ellen: What is ... rain? Bill: Correct. Dream Ellen: So we just, uh, build more dams and our energy problems are solved. Bill: Not quite. We've already used many of the best sites, and sometimes building a dam can be pretty hard on the ecosystem. Dream Ellen: Seems like there are problems with every one of these. What gives? Bill: Well Ellen, there are no easy answers. The sun, water, geothermal steam, even wood, all contribute. Right now, these renewables provide about ten percent of the world's energy. But we can expect them to be playing an even bigger role in the decades ahead. Dream Ellen: That's great, Bill, but we still need a heck of a lot more energy. Where is it coming from, and do you have a curling iron? Bill: Come on, I'll show ya! Let's hitch a ride with this solid fossil fuel. Dream Ellen: Oh, I know this one. What is coal? Bill: Correct! And we've discovered two centuries' worth. Dream Ellen: Whoa! What about global warming? Bill: It's a hot topic, with lots of questions. And it's one of the big reasons scientists are working on ways to burn fuels, like coal, more efficiently than ever. Ellen, what do you know about gas? Dream Ellen: Well, if your stomach's bothering you, I could get you some club soda. Bill: No. Dream Ellen: Oh, you mean natural gas. Bill: It's clean-burning. At the rate we're going, we're set for about sixty years. Dream Ellen: Sixty years?! That's only ten more years than fifty. Twenty more than forty. Thirty more than -- Bill: Don't uh, don't worry. We're always finding more natural gas all the time. But we do need to use it wisely. So Ellen, how long have you been driving? Dream Ellen: Bill: Whoa! Dream Ellen: Sorry, pal. All righty. What's next? Oh! Oh! What is black gold? Texas tea. Swimmin' pools. Movie stars. What is the Beverly Hillbillies? I -- I mean, what is oil? Bill: Right! It's our main source of energy, and we've found enough to last at least fifty years. Dream Ellen: That's all? Bill: We're far from running on empty. We've got some pretty far-out ways of finding more. Dream Ellen: Wow. This is far-out. Bill: Satellites are one of the tools we use in our search for hidden deposits. But there are others. Dream Ellen: Really? Ya know -- Ow! Uh, Houston ... I -- I think we have a problem. Bill: That is because many of the easily reached petroleum deposits have already been tapped. Dream Ellen: Hel -- hellooooo ... Bill: Most new discoveries will come from once inaccessible or hard to reach places. Dream Ellen: Wait just a minute. There's oil here? Bill: Actually, the oil is buried way deep, under the ocean floor. Dream Ellen: Oh. Well, then I guess we can't get to it. So, where to next? Bill: Well hey, don't give up! We can reach the oil with offshore drilling platforms like this. Going in ... Dive! Dive! Dream Ellen: Bill?! Bill: Dive! Some drilling platforms are so tall, they would tower over the Empire State Building. I mean, that's big! Dream Ellen: Oh, great. Just what our nightmare needs. A big ol' human-munchin', bone-crunchin', Ellen-lunchin' shark. Take off, Captain! Rise! ... Where are we now? Bill: The world of atomic power! See, today we take atoms like these and split them apart to release energy. It's called fission. Nuclear energy is expensive. And highly controversial. Dream Ellen: So I guess there's never gonna be just one answer. Bill: But if we keep using our brain power, we'll have lots of choices for the future. Maybe even unlock the power of the stars. Fusion power! Dream Ellen: I'm beginning to see the light! Bill: Actually, I think it's Double Jeopardy, Ellen. Jeopardy! Staff Member: There you are! Where have you been? Dream Ellen: The beginning of the universe. There were dinosaurs, and -- and -- and I was -- in the bathroom. There's no more paper towels. Jeopardy! Staff Member: Yeah, right. Voice of Jeopardy! Stage Manager: Could we get Ellen to the set, please? Alex Trebek: Well, you've been absolutely amazing so far. Blowing away your opponents here. Judy: Well, my IQ is 210. Alex Trebek: But I'll tell you something, Judy. The thing that really amazed me was that you and Ellen were in the same class at school. Judy: Yes! We were actually roommates. I used to call her Stupid Ellen. Voice of Jeopardy! Stage Manager: Five seconds! Alex Trebek: Okay. All right, players, we're ready to begin the second round. And Ellen, will you start us off by making a selection, please? Dream Ellen: I sure will, Alex. I will take Dinosaurs for eight hundred. Judy: Uh, Ellen, you do know that the more expensive the question, the harder it is. Dream Ellen: Oh, no, I didn't. Lemme rethink that then. Uh, Dinosaurs for one thousand, Alex. Alex Trebek: Okay. The answer is ... This is when scientists believe dinosaurs first appeared on the earth. Ellen? Dream Ellen: Uh, what is two hundred and twenty million years ago, give or take a day? Alex Trebek: You're absolutely right. Dream Ellen: What is the sun? What is hydrogen, Alex? What are photovoltaics? What is fire? Which, by the way, is what sparked the progress of human civilization, Alex. I don't know if you knew that or not. Alex Trebek: Correct again, Ellen, and amazingly enough, at the end of this Double Jeopardy round, you have managed to come from way behind to tie Judy for the lead. Well done! Dream Ellen: Well, I just had to figure out how to work this little clicky thing here. Judy: How could she possibly have learned so much during the commercial break? She's obviously cheating. Alex Trebek: Zip it, Judy. Dr. Einstein, you have no money, sir. And that means we're going to have to say good-bye. However, we want to thank you for coming here today, and we do have some lovely parting gifts for you backstage. Dream Ellen: Yep, here's one for you right now, Al. Jeopardy! Announcer: It's a long-lasting, low energy lightbulb. Enjoy the efficiency! Alex Trebek: Boy, there goes a real burst of energy, huh? All right, ladies. You will recall that our Final Jeopardy category on today's program is The Future of Energy. And so, if you're ready, here's the Final Jeopardy answer for you: This is the one source of power that will never run out. Good luck. Jeopardy! Announcer: If you would like to have your own energy nightmare, place a self-addressed, stamped envelope under your pillow, or check us out on the web at www dot energynightmare dot game. Alex Trebek: Will Judy remain our Jeopardy! champion? Or will Ellen take the lead? We'll know momentarily. Jeopardy! Announcer: Some contestants on Jeopardy! will receive a year's supply of energy. Energy, you make the world go 'round. Alex Trebek: Once again, the answer is: This is the one source of power that will never run out. Time's up, players. Let's see how well you did. Judy, we'll start with you. You wrote down ... nothing. Judy: That's correct, Alex, because there is no answer. Alex Trebek: Well, actually, you're wrong. Let's take a look at your wager. Oh, that's too bad. You risked everything you had, and that means you lose $17,800, and you wind up with nothing. Let's go down to Ellen now, and see what she came up with as the response to our Final Jeopardy clue. Ellen? Dream Ellen: Uh, what is brain power, Alex? Alex Trebek: You are correct, and your wager? You too risked everything, but you double your score to $35,600. That makes you, Ellen, our new Jeopardy! champion. Congratulations. Jeopardy! Announcer: Be sure to join us tomorrow, as Jeopardy! dream sequence week continues. -- Ellen: So, that's how I became an energy expert. Again, expert may not be the exact right word. More expertish. Anyway, I've gotta go. LOOK OUT FOR THE DINOSAUR! Ha ha ha, kidding. I'm a kidder. Bye bye now. Category:Epcot